Thursday, May 03, 2012

In Trials

Sometimes I wonder why it takes trials for me to be dependent on God's grace and mercy in my life.  I have been meditating on 2 Cor 4:7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.  This verse was spurred on by the fact that we just recently learned that our unborn baby boy has a small deformity.  I got a call on a Wednesday night at 7 from my OB doctor telling me that she has just received the ultrasound pictures of our anatomy scan of the baby.  She said she was requesting a follow up ultrasound, because she was pretty sure there was something wrong with his right leg.  So as I started to panic I said can you tell me something more specific and she said not really it could just be the angle of the ultrasound picture.  I had an appointment the next day for my regular 4 week checkup, she said just go ahead and make the appointment for the ultrasound then.  I went in the next morning only to have the doctor call me back into his office instead of the regular exam room where they listen to the heartbeat.  He proceeded to show me the pictures of little boy's foot and he said there are several things that could be wrong with his leg but not limited to that he may have a chromosome disorder that would take his life once he was born.  So of course now in sheer panic i try to keep my composure and he said I am making you an appointment today to have an ultrasound done with a high risk doctor.  I went out with him to the counter and the receptionist began to make the appointments for me to see the high risk doctor, a genetics counselor, and have a high risk ultrasound taken of him.  It turned out that they couldn't get me in until the following Monday.  So as I drove back to get my kiddos from my good friends house, I just started to feel incredibly alone and had no idea what to think or do.  So I started praying that God would work a miracle in this baby and just show me that I wasn't alone in this.  So as I went through the rest of Thursday and the weekend I just kept trying to keep myself busy trying not to think about all the stuff that could be wrong with the baby, Still feeling as if I had to walk this road by myself.  Monday morning came and Joel and I both prayed God please help us to be willing to except whatever He had for us and whatever we were about to face and learn about our baby.  I then all of the sudden didn't feel alone anymore, I felt God saying Hey, I got this and this is for your good and my Glory.  From the time we walked into the doctors office until the time we left we both felt so comfortable and knew that God had put these specific people in our lives for his good.  We learned that yes indeed the baby's foot is turned in but it is very moderately turned in and from what they could see on the ultrasound no other problems were causing this so no down syndrome or no Trysonomy 13, 14.  So the gave it a term which is club foot and they said here is the plan here is what you need to do and the baby will most likely wear a cast on his foot/leg until the doctors feel like it is back to where it should be and then he will wear a brace at night until he is 2 or 3 while going through some physical therapy.  So back to the verse showing that the surpassing greatness belongs to the Lord and not to me.  We are still praying that God would heal his foot but we know that God's got this and we don't have to fear the unknown because the power belongs to God and definitely not to me. I also realized that having a turned in foot is the least of baby boy's problem.  His biggest problem is they need to know our Saviour so outside of praying for a miracle I am also praying that God would save him and his sister and brother.  As I explained this all to Lydia she said, Mommy its ok if he can't walk we will just carry him.  I realized at that very moment that God is carrying little baby as well as his mommy, daddy, sister, and brother.